Rule #2: DIBS.
No, not the ice cream treat.
We’re talking “calling dibs”.
You want the biggest piece of pizza, you call dibs. You want the next turn on a video game, you call dibs. You want the biggest, the best, the hottest, the greatest— YOU CALL DIBS. (However, you don’t call dibs to save chairs at parties or the front passenger seat in cars. Those are “FIVES” and “SHOTGUN” respectively, and they are rules for another time.)
Dibs is an insurance policy. It is based on a relatively simple concept: “I saw it first, so I get it!” The concept itself has existed for centuries. Hungry cavemen tribes fought wars over who saw the wooly mammoth first. The most beautiful women in history have been claimed this way. Entire empire’s have risen thanks to someone saying “Saw it first,” and dropping flag. Hell, Chris Columbus and the pilgrims said “Saw it second,” but still dropped flag… which i guess is the point of this rule. Some people dont recognize the intracacies of dibs.
Universal Rules is here to correct that.
Dibs is not just a cultural convention, it’s a force of nature. Few things in life over-rule it, so it is important to be aware of what those things are:
- AGE GAP- If it’s between a child and an adult, the adult gets final say. If it’s between a senior citizen and anyone younger, Oldie gets the win. Sorry jerk, you can’t call dibs on the open subway seat over the 91-year-old woman with a tracheotomy and worn out shoes trying to make her way downtown with 140 pounds of cat food.
- THE PIZZA RULE- If someone else picked the pizza up, you can’t call dibs. If you didn’t put money in for the pie, don’t even think about it.
- CHICKS, MAN- No, don’t worry… you CAN call dibs on girls. You don’t want to be stuck with the ugly redhead, am I right? But you CANNOT call dibs if it’s going to ruin your friend’s chances with a lady friend. “Huh huh, dibs on the last cold beer!” Not cool bro, not cool.
As long as none of these factors are involved, dibs CAN NOT be ignored. Dibs is not a game. It does not need to be “called on” or “called off”. Treat it with respect. Remember there is a statute of limitations on dibs. You don’t get to call it and wait. Use your dibbed item RIGHT AWAY.
FINAL VERDICT:
Infraction Rating: Egregious
Dibs must always be accepted, barring the 3 over-ruling factors. And don’t dilly-dally after calling it.
Now I gotta go… someone else has dibs on this computer. ∞
My friends and I have a very intricate dibs system for females… if you call dibs on a girl your dibs are only good for one week. In that time you should have been given ample opportunity to act upon your dibs. however if for some reason one week is not enough, you do have the power to restate your dibs. this process can be done twice, giving you a total of 3 weeks to act upon your dibs. If in that time you have still not acted, you must relienquish your dibs for a period of one week, in which time anyone else can call dibs and then they get the same courtousy of being able to restate there dibs. Now if the girl is famous, dibs are permanent and have no time limit. In the rare instance that a “dibs”ed girl is interested in another member of the dibsing group the dibs can be passed on. but again there is a limit and you can only pass on a dibs 2 times…. I hope this clears up any further confusion.